Mary: Well, what I've learned from this book is that "On the Ferris wheel of life, I am the carny holding the throttle." I choose not to break up with you.
Dick: Really? Can you do that?
Mary: Yeah. Yeah. I think you have a tendency to underestimate the--the sickness of the co-dependent relationship. And we're in one, mister, and you're not going anywhere.
Dick: In that case, I need to, uh, uh... "Step off the desperation treadmill and frolic through the forest of solitude with my self elf."
Mary: Self elf? What the hell is that?
Dick: For your information, it is the sprightly inner happiness that you achieve when you spend time with your loving and supportive self, but you would know that if you had read the book.
Mary: I'm at the helm. I'm at the helm.
Dick: Calm, calm, happy, happy.

Dr. Liam Neesam: And of course, "Liam" spelled backwards is "mail," as in the letters with which I correspond with you, and of course the homonym of "mail" is "male," which I find fiercely appropriate.
Mary: Liam, your wordplay is dazzling.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Thank you. And of course, an anagram of "Liam" is "Mali," a sub-Saharan country with an unfortunate climate. And another anagram is "Lima," capital of Peru and home of the Inca civilization. And of course, if you lose the "M," add a "B" and scuttle the letters around, you get... Bali.
Mary: [laughs lightly] That's a nice word. Exotic.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, think of it less as a word and more as an invitation.
Mary: Oh, Liam, that's sweet, but I'm still "technically" going out with Dick.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh, dear. Look, there's something I must get off my chest. I think of you as absolutely exquisite, and yet you persist in going out with a man whose name doesn't spell anything other than Dick.

Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh, wake up, my little pumpkin seed. Has he ever taken you out to a decent restaurant like this?
Mary: Oh, we go to nice restaurants sometimes.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Oh.
Mary: But he always brings a fly to put into the soup so he doesn't have to pay.
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, don't worry, Mary. The only fly that I have with me tonight is the one on my trousers, and you won't find that anywhere near your soup.
Mary: Liam, if you brought me here because you thought you could score, well... we'll see.

Dr. Liam Neesam: My affection for you is only part of my reason for being here, though. The other reason is to make you a job offer.
Mary: A job offer? Doing what?
Dick: [to himself] Good question, Mary.
Dr. Liam Neesam: I'm giving you the opportunity to do groundbreaking anthropological research. The only snag is that at the start, I can only pay you a high six-figure salary.
Mary: Oh, that's one, maybe two figures more than I'm used to. Why me?
Dr. Liam Neesam: Because I can't think of anyone I'd rather work side by side with... or on top of.

Mary: [on the phone] Nina, please, I need to talk to you in person. I think there might be something wrong with Dick. I- I think I might be in danger. No, I have not been watching old movies. Yes, I have been drinking. [knock on door] Oh, my God! There's somebody at the door! Please stay on the line.