Dick: All right, now, Sally, since I've opened your eyes to a whole new world of options, you can return me the favor. Dr. Albright belongs to a women's study group, and I must find out what she's doing there.
Tommy: [scoffs] God knows you don't want to respect her boundaries.
Dick: Exactly. Does August ever belong to a secret women's organization?
Tommy: Well, sure, the girl scouts. But she got out because she thought the cookie-selling verged on racketeering.

August: You've been keeping big secrets from me?
Tommy: Well, not just you.
August: I've told you about my impetigo.
Tommy: I know, I know, it made me feel very close to you. But, see, my secret's a lot more serious than just a contagious skin rash.
August: You don't trust me.
Tommy: No, no, it's not that. I just don't want to go blabbing things out when I'm afraid there might be a fearful, ignorant reaction.
August: Oh, I understand.
Tommy: Good.
[August cuts Tommy's ponytail off and walks out]
Tommy: Oh, jeez, if I'd known you could just cut this off, I would have done it months ago.

Judith: Welcome. My name is Judith.
Dick: Thank you, Judith.
Judith: We have beverages as well as hummus and pita, if you'd like.
Dick: Why not? I'm wearing control tops.

Dr. Blumfeld: I'd like to start by having everyone ask herself how am I censoring myself? What am I doing to inhibit my relationship with those around me by concealing my true self?
Dick: I have a thought on that.
Mary: Don't you dare.
Dr. Blumfeld: Yes?
Dick: Thank you. I work in an office, and I find that I have to censor my feelings just to fit in. I'm often excluded, and whenever I do summon the courage to express my desire to be embraced by the group, I find myself muzzled and squelched by them.
Dr. Blumfeld: We're here to support each other. Please go on. And you are?
Dick: Dickie Jo.
Mary: Dickie Jo?
Dick: Don't mock me. I'm being excluded and sequestered because of my sex. I can feel the air change in the room when I walk in, and I just think it's so unfair.
Mary: Just stop it. Stop it.
Nina: Big girl. Pretty, but big.

Dick: Why do women have to close themselves off?
Judith: They don't. Let it out.
Mary: I wouldn't encourage Dickie Jo.
Dr. Blumfeld: Mary, let her speak.
Nina: Yeah, you go, girl!
Dick: Mary, why do you withhold, pretending there's something inside you that I can't understand? We're both grown-ups. What are you afraid of?
Mary: Not here, not now.
Dick: Dr. Blumfeld is right. We can't hold ourselves back any longer. Knock, knock. Who's there? Me!
Mary: Go away!
Dick: It's too late. I'm here. [kisses Mary]
Judith: I knew it all along.
Nina: Me, too.

August: Hey. I just wanted to say that I've invested a lot in this relationship, and if you think you can treat me this way, you're wrong. Your hair looks really good.
Tommy: Oh, thanks. August, I can't stand this anymore. I have to tell you something. You're not going to believe this at first. It might even make you sick. It's about my family.
[Dick runs up the stairs in women's clothing]
Dick: Well, that was a wash. [undresses] The woman I love won't let me be a woman. [sighs] I need some herbal tea and a fat-free cookie. [exits]
Tommy: Listen, August, what I needed to tell you was that-
August: Don't speak, Tommy. Don't speak. [hugs Tommy]

Dick: Sally, is there anything you'd like to tell me as a woman? Because I think I'm enlightened enough now to hear it.
Sally: Ah, well, men are always bossing you around. No one ever says "thank you." And you're expected to clean up after everyone.
Dick: Are you talking about being a woman or a waitress?
Sally: Waitress, woman... same thing. I just never realized how many people here are in the service of others.
Dick: Well, everybody here sells his time for money. It's like taking a mortgage against your life.
Sally: Yeah, well, my life is worth more than minimum wage and the occasional slice of free pie.

Dick: Hurry, hurry!
Mrs. Dubcek: I'm coming, I'm coming. Stop it, already.
Dick: What took you so long?
Harry: Her pants are tight. She can't go too fast.

Sally: You guys are not going to believe all the cute stuff I got today. Everything came together like a well-oiled pistol. I've got the last pair of size eight Ferragamo slingbacks on layaway. I need 300 bucks.
Dick: Why?
Sally: Because without the shoes, the belt is a joke.

Dick: What are you laughing at?
Mary: Girl talk.
Dick: Girl talk?
Mary: Oh, I'm sorry, did that sound sexist?
Dick: No, sexist would be if you told me I had a tight butt, then said if I didn't go to bed with you, I'd be fired.
Nina: Dr. Solomon, I really don't think you'd understand what we were talking about.
Dick: Oh, I know what this is. Me man, me too thick to grasp girl talk.