Tommy: Dick, there's some frat guys out in the quad harassing a bison.
Dick: Oh, my god, a bison! Those savages!
Mary: Dick! [Dick runs out] Why'd you do that?
Tommy: Because it's just so easy.

Dick: Okay. No, I can't take it anymore! I'm hereby liberating these lobsters. Run! Please, run for the river! [Scottish accent] They can take your legs, but they'll never take your freedom! Come on! Come on, run! Well, you're gonna have to run faster than that. Here, I'll help you. Here-- Oh, oh, ow!

Sally: Goodbye, old friends. We've had some great times together, huh? I never thought I'd wear you, but you went with everything. And you, you were 50% off when we met, remember that? I do. Oh! And you you silly, fun, open-toed things. You gave me bunions, but damn, you made my gams look great. I think I'll miss you most of all.

Tommy: "Dear Sandy" is ignoring me, Harry. Listen to this. "Angry in Akron," response. "Conflicted in Cleveland," response. She even responds to "Yeast infection in Youngstown."
Harry: Oh, what kind of parent names their kid "Yeast Infection"?

Dick: I'd like to thank you all for being gracious enough to come witness this magical moment.
Caryn: This is so beautiful, it's- [sobs]
Mary: Just let the rat go, it's cold out here.
Dick: It's a chipmunk. Call it what it is, damn it. Three days ago, at exactly 6:38 P.M., two lives were forever changed. But in the aftermath of that violent collision, a flower of hope blossomed and that hope ignited a flame of inspiration which fueled a desire that inspired a dream-
Tommy: Okay, we get it.
Mary: Oh, for god's sakes!
Dick: Chippy, your sacrifice was truly a gift. You opened my eyes to a whole new way of life. And now I give the gift of life back to you. Good bye, my friend. Suddenly this planet doesn't seem quite so cruel, after all. [bird squaws] Oh, look! Look at that beautiful majestic bird. Hey! Hey! You leave him alone! Hey, run! Chippy, run! You, get away from him, you winged beast! [throws rock]
Tommy: Oh, nice arm, Dick.
Dick: Oh, my god, what have I done?
Harry: I think you just killed that "endangered peregrine falcon."

Dick: I'm a menace to my fellow creatures.
Mary: Well, you can't save every living creature. Some live, some die, that's just life happening.
Dick: Oh, that's just animals. What about us?
Mary: We are animals. We eat like animals, sleep like animals, have sex like animals.
Dick: Well, especially after a bottle of tequila.
Mary: Oh, yeah. Just be grateful you're at the top of the food chain and nothing eats you.
Dick: Oh, yeah? What about that shark in Jaws? He's so scary.
Mary: Fine, have it your way. The whole world is just one giant savage smorgasbord. And if you don't like it, I'm afraid you're just gonna have to build a rocket and jet off to some kinder, gentler planet.
Dick: Oh, yeah, no, that would be the easy way out.

Tommy: You named it "Chippy"?
Dick: Yeah.
Harry: Hmm, well, I think it's kind of catchy. Chippy the chipmunk. Chippy the cheerful chipmunk. The tragedy of Chippy the cheerful chipmunk.

Sally: All right, everybody out, I've got some killing to do.
Tommy: What's going on?
Sally: We got ants, soldiers.
Dick: Ants, we have ants?
Sally: Yeah, not for long.
Dick: You're not killing anything!
Sally: Dick, they are disease-ridden vermin, they must be expunged.

Dick: [on the phone] Hello, Rutherford animal clinic? Yes, this is Chippy's daddy. Are there- Are there any signs of improvement? Oh, I see well, did he get the basket of acorns I sent over? Okay, well, I'll check back in an hour.

Harry: My coat?
Sally: Yeah, it's fur, animal fur. Give me the coat.
Harry: No, no animals were harmed in the making of this coat.
Sally: Oh yeah, I'm sure some llama just unzipped his fur and said, "Thank, god, Harry Solomon won't be cold this winter."
Harry: That's plausible.