Sally: All right. What have we got, Tommy?
Tommy: The lady says she stepped out of the laundromat to get a coffee. When she returned, her slipcovers had been removed from the dryer and placed on the folding table. She also claims they were still wet.
Sally: Is this a fact, sir?
Mrs. Dubcek: He moved my stuff.
Sally: I am not talking to you.
Mrs. Dubcek: I'm saying, I went-
Sally: Zip it! Tommy... [clears throat] Why don't you tell our friend here the rules.
Tommy: The rules are: you are not to remove someone else's moist items from the dryer.
Sally: Now, was it moist?
Man: It was damp.
Sally: Don't pee on my shoes and tell me the washer's leaking.

Sally: Now, was it moist?
Man: It was moist, ma'am.
Crowd: Ah.
Sally: What is the matter with these people?
Tommy: Beats me, ma'am.
Sally: You, buster, you better grow up. You owe this woman twenty minutes of drying time.
Mrs. Dubcek: I told you.
Sally: And you, young lady, you better drop that attitude. Here's a little piece of advice, you've heard this before: Colors fade but dumb is forever. Next! [slams fabric conditioner on the table]

Dick: Morning, Mary. Ah, I had a great time last night, didn't you?
Mary: No. Dick, I cannot do that again.
Dick: Oh, you're right. Next time, maybe we should all just stay home and have game night.
Mary: No. No offense, but I cannot spend another evening playing Chutes and Ladders with Sally, Tommy, and Harry.
Dick: What about Kerplunk?
Mary: No, Dick. We need to socialize with other people.
Dick: Right. What about Hungry, Hungry Hippos?

Dick: Tell it again.
Mary: Oh, Dick, I- I-
Dick: Tell it... again!
Mary: I don't think Gwen and Larry want to hear it-
Dick: I don't give a flying fudgsicle what Gwen and Larry want.
Gwen & Larry: What?!
Dick: Look at you two sitting there all fake smiles and fake friendly. Looking all fake with your fakeness and your fake little world.
Gwen: How dare you?!
Dick: Get out!
Larry: Come on, Gwen. I have never noticed it before, but you look capable of violence.
Dick: I'll show you who's capable of violence. [runs after them his chair]

Mary: Do you think they're brushing us off?
Dick: Well, why would they do that?
Nina: Dr. Solomon, when you're around them, are you just being yourself?
Dick: Well, of course I am.
Nina: Hmm. There you go.

Dick: Sally, could you pass us some of that corn?
Sally: Sure.
Tommy: Thank you.
Mary: Dick, wouldn't you prefer it if we sat together?
Dick: Oh, of course I would, Mary, but you didn't call shotgun quickly enough.
Mary: Well, nobody told me I had to.
Sally: Crybaby.
Tommy: Look, I'm not going to go over the rules again, Albright. Better luck next time, okay?

Mary: Well, that's an interesting look, Harry.
Harry: Well, it was the last clean piece of laundry in the house.
Sally: Our washer and dryer broke. We're waiting for Dubcek's nephew to get out of rehab so he can fix it.
Dick: Remember that odd smell in the office today, Mary? I said it was Nina's leftover paella. Well, it wasn't.
Mary: Oh, come on. Look, I hate the laundromat as much as anybody, but just go and wash your clothes.
Sally: Laundry-mat? So you're saying we can just prance into this laundry-mat with our dirty clothes?
Harry: And use their washers and dryers? [sarcastically] Yeah, right. That'll work.

Mary: Dick, please can I sit in front?
Tommy: Forget about it, Chickie.
Dick: My poor Mary. You miss me. I'll tell you what. Sally, you move up here. [Scottish accent] I want to go sit next to my wee bonnie lass.

Mary: Now we just have to think of a couple that would be fun to go out with.
Dick: Judith is always talking about her boyfriend Trent.
Mary: Dick, I'm not sure... but I think Trent may be imaginary.

Mary: Nina, you have a boyfriend now, don't you?
Nina: I sure do.
Mary: Well, how about the two of you and the two-
Nina: No.