‘Gobble, Gobble, Dick, Dick’
Season 2, Episode 10 - Aired November 24, 1996
After the Solomons learn about Thanksgiving, they try to act like a typical American family and host dinner with the help of Mary, Mrs. Dubcek and her daughter Vicki.
Quote from Sally
Dick: Sally, look who's here.
Mary: I thought you might need a little help cooking.
Dick: Why? Don't you think she's ever cooked a Thanksgiving dinner before? Is that what you think?
Sally: Yeah, you don't think I've ever cooked a Thanksgiving dinner before?
Mary: No, I didn't say that.
Dick: Because Thanksgiving is not new to us.
Sally: And we're certainly not new to Thanksgiving.
Mary: So, when's dinner?
Sally: Today?
Dick: 3:00! On the dot!
Sally: All right, move it. Uh, Dubcek, take out the relish tray, and Mary, hold this. [removes gizzards and hands them to Mary]
Quote from Sally
Mary: Maybe you should rub it with a little margarine before you put it in.
Dick: You heard the woman. Rub that bird.
Mrs. Dubcek: I don't think so. All it needs is a little salt.
Dick: No margarine! Heavy on the salt!
Mary: If you want the skin to crisp.
Dick: Want skin crisp now.
Sally: Want you dead now.
Quote from Sally
Sally: Well, I did it. Here it is, folks, the perfect turkey!
Mary: Shouldn't we wait for Tommy?
Dick: We're starting without him.
Sally: Well, but I poured some grape juice in a wine glass, and who's gonna sit at the kids' table?
Dick: Doesn't matter.
Sally: Fine, okay. Thanksgiving's ruined. Hack away.
Quote from Dick
Dick: Oh, no, no, I-- I couldn't make the first hack. Mary, you hack.
Mary: Uh... uh... before we "hack" the turkey, shouldn't someone give thanks?
Dick: Uh, here we all are, gathered together for a completely authentic Thanksgiving dinner, perfect in every way. I just want to say I am thankful that we are all here to feast on this dead bird.
Sally: We're not all here. Tommy's not here.
Dick: Thank you so much for bringing that up! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Mary: Don't worry. Tommy will be back.
Dick: Thank you!
Quote from Dick
[Dick and Harry lean back in their chairs and groan]
Dick: What's the matter with us, Harry?
Harry: I'm gettin' drowsy, and I can't fight it.
Dick: I feel like I'm gonna explode. I'm gonna ex-uh-pul-lode! [unbuttons pants] Stay with me, Harry. I'll save you.
Harry: No! Save yourself!
Dick: Harry! Harry, can you hear me? Harry! [Dick unbuttons Harry's pants] It's Dick! Come back to me! Come back to me, Harry!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: Harry! Talk to me!
Harry: What's for dessert?
Quote from Harry
Harry: Wow, your mother's refrigerator is far more spacious than ours.
Vicki Dubcek: Do you get enough to eat, pumpkin?
Harry: Well, that depends on what you're talking about.
Vicki Dubcek: And what do you think I'm talkin' about?
Harry: Yams.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, I got yams for ya.
Quote from Dick
Dick: Yahtzee.
Mary: No, Dick, that wasn't Yahtzee. That was two of a kind.
Dick: Yahtzee.
Mary: No, that's not a Yahtzee.
Dick: Yahtzee. Five in a row.
Mrs. Dubcek: They lost the instructions.
Sally: Tommy knows how to play.
Dick: Well, Tommy's not here. Yahtzee.