‘Glengarry Glen Dick’
Season 6, Episode 15 - Aired April 17, 2001
Dick and Don buy a timeshare property together. Meanwhile, Harry is upset that Tommy is now taller than him.
Quote from Harry
Dr. Schulman: Okay, Mr. Solomon. I've been reviewing your chart. Now, it says here you've been trying a variety of home remedies? Hanging from the ceiling?
Harry: With weights attached.
Dr. Schulman: That- That is unorthodox.
Harry: Well, I'm desperate! I'm shrinking.
Dr. Schulman: Shrinking? You do know there is a natural fluctuation in size based on excitement.
Harry: You mean I'm bigger... when I'm watching professional wrestling.
Dr. Schulman: Well, to each his own.
Quote from Harry
Harry: You gotta help me, doc. Make me taller.
Dr. Schulman: Wait. Mr. Solomon, are you concerned about your height?
Harry: Why else would I drag my tiny butt down here?
Dr. Schulman: I think your height is stable. Of course, I've examined only one part of you.
Harry: Yeah, I was wondering about that.
Dr. Schulman: Uh, but from what I've seen, you should have no fears about your size in that area.
Harry: Oh?
Dr. Schulman: In fact, most of the men who come to me would be quite pleased to have what you have.
Harry: So should I go out there and, uh, maybe show these guys what to shoot for?
Dr. Schulman: Oh, no, no, no. Well, why not?
Harry: Yeah!
Quote from Dick
Dick: That one old guy seemed kind of interested. When everyone else rushed out, he stayed behind.
Mary: He was trampled, Dick.
Don: He's still our number one prospect.
Dick: It's my fault. I bought into this American Dream of home ownership. The white picket fence, the garden arbor, the incredibly hot widow next door who gives massages in exchange for yard work.
Mary: Dick!
Quote from Dick
Dick: I'm going in.
Harry: Wait. Wait. Wait. What about the Bar Mitzvah?
Dick: Oh, tell Jacob or Daniel or Ben how proud I am of him.
Quote from Dick
Salesman: Who here would like to increase their vacation value while decreasing their vacation costs?
Dick: It's uncanny. How did you know that I wanted more for less?
Salesman: Now, imagine owning your very own luxury getaway at Pine Villa Estates through the miracle of time-share ownership.
Dick: Stop your teasing. How much? How much?
Salesman: A mere $10,000.
Dick: $10,000.
Salesman: Yes.
Dick: Okay, people, bachelor auction. Do I hear $10,000?
Quote from Dick
Dick: If we buy this time-share, we will have our own little piece of earth. Land. It's the only thing that matters.
Sally: Dick, that's just dirt from the backyard.
Harry: Yeah, that's not exactly dirt.
Quote from Dick
Dick: Listen, I'm glad you're here. You're gonna have to drop out of college. We need the tuition money for something more important.
Tommy: Uh, we don't pay tuition. I'm on scholarship.
Dick: You idiot! I'll check out the toaster. It may be platinum.
Quote from Tommy
Sally: Tommy's taller.
Harry: Well, how about that. Congratulations there, partner. I guess from now on, you can just call me Shorty.
Tommy: All right, Shorty.
Harry: I don't like that nickname!
Tommy: Oh, I'm sorry, little man.
Harry: Stop it!
Quote from Sally
Sally: Dick, why don't you just go in on the time-share with someone?
Dick: Share the time-share? Sally, that's brilliant. We just need to find someone smart enough to recognize a great deal when it drops into his lap.
Sally: Yeah, someone smart.
Quote from Don
Salesman: Walking in your own mountain meadows. A little bit of paradise at Pine Villa Estates for only $5,000.
Dick: What do you think, Don?
Don: Well, he did say, "only."