‘Fun with Dick and Janet: Part 2’
Season 3, Episode 2 - Aired September 24, 1997
Mary finds out that Dick spent the night with another woman, Janet (Roseanne Barr). Meanwhile, Officer Don investigates the crop circle where the Solomons landed.
Quote from Dick
Janet: So, you mean that I don't have to love you?
Dick: No.
Janet: Oh, my God, that's so great. Because ever since I got here you've been just a huge pain in my purple tube.
Dick: Wha-
Janet: In fact, there are a lot of things that I don't love about this planet. This broom, this stupid-ass apron, these stupid dishes, and your family!
Dick: What's wrong with my family?
Janet: What's wrong with them? They act like a bunch of people!
Quote from Dick
Janet: I mean, jeez, if I get to pick the person I'm in love with, I'm gonna get somebody really good-looking!
Dick: Oh. I'm gorgeous.
Janet: I mean, I saw these guys today at the school, and they were just unbelievably beautiful! I mean, they had all these muscles.
Dick: Well, I have muscles.
Janet: No, I mean real muscles! And they were young, and they were hard, and they had all their hair, even right here.
Dick: Huh! Hair is very overrated. It takes away from the size of your face.
Janet: Well, don't take it personally, Dick. I mean, you just said yourself that you don't love me. Okay, now, which way's Vegas?
Dick: But, Janet, it's a big world out there. Where will you go? What will you do?
Janet: Oh, don't worry about me, Dick. We'll always have Rutherford.
Quote from Harry
Harry: Well, look on the bright side, Dick. With Janet out of the way, maybe you'll get another shot at Albright.
Dick: You think?
Harry: Probably no. But, hey, at least there's still the three of us.
All: Oh.
Dick: Hey, wait. Didn't there used to be four of us?
Harry: Oh, yeah! Officer Don called. "Tommy's in jail."
All: Jail?!
Quote from Harry
Sally: Don, where's Tommy?
Don: Oh, you're too late.
Harry: [screams]
Sally: You killed Tommy?!
Don: No, I let him go.
Sally: You let Tommy go to his death?!
Harry: [screams]
Tommy: Hey, Harry.
Harry: [screams] Oh! He's alive.
Sally: Oh, huh... sorry. Nice tie.
Quote from Harry
Sally: Harry, grab the, uh...
Tommy: Uh, the sling-a-rang.
Harry: The what?
Tommy: The sling-a-rang. Remember? You've seen it advertised on The Fusion Chamberlain Show.
Harry: Yes, I have.
Don: I gotta see that show.
Quote from Mary
Mary: What do you want?
Dick: Janet's gone forever, Mary. She's gone. We're divorcing. She's not around to ruin our lives anymore.
Mary: This isn't about her, Dick. She didn't lie to me. She's not the one who didn't tell me about her.
Dick: Mary, I wanted to.
Mary: What else is there, Dick? Dick? [gasps] There is something else, isn't there? And you can't tell me, can you? Oh! Good-bye, Dick.
Dick: I'm sorry. [walks away]