Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Eleven Angry Men and One Dick’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Eleven Angry Men and One Dick

307. Eleven Angry Men and One Dick

Aired November 12, 1997

Dick is summoned for jury duty. Meanwhile, Tommy and Harry agree to be silent for a week as part of Mary's experiment, and Sally meets a cynical English playwrite.

Quote from Dick

Lawyer #1: Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper?
Dick: Yes! No! I don't know! I don't know what to believe anymore. You tell me what to believe and I'll do it.
Lawyer #1: He's good with me.
Lawyer #2: Me, too.
Judge: Okay, Mr. Solomon, you're seated on the case, the State vs. Chris Foster.
Dick: I'm in? I'm in? I made the cut! I'm on a jury!
Judge: Fine. Fine. Report here tomorrow at 8 a.m.
Dick: 8 a.m. in the morning?!

Rate

Quote from Dick

Dick: Well, if he stole this money, what did he do with it?
Irving: He supported a mistress and her child. We heard that testimony.
Dick: Listen to you. In an age when a man can't even support his family, this man supported two! Send him to jail? Let's send him to congress!

Quote from Dick

Tommy: Justice is so much simpler where we come from.
Dick: Oh, yeah, you simply hook the suspect to the old truth belt, and if his tube stays purple, he's innocent.
Tommy: If it turns blue, he's guilty.
Dick: Nice and clean.
Harry: Oh, except for those times when it doesn't change all the way, and then you get into those endless arguments about, "Ooh, I think it's magenta."
Tommy: "No, that looks lavender."
Dick: Well, I guess our system isn't perfect either.
Sally: All systems are corrupt.
Dick: [sighs] That's right, sunshine.

Quote from Dick

Tommy: Dick, something big has happened.
Harry: It's big, I tell ya. Big, I say.
Dick: "You have been summoned to serve as a juror in Ohio State Court, Rutherford, Ohio. Such service is a privilege and a duty."
Nina: Oh, jury duty? Throw it out. And if they call you on it, tell them it was lost in the mail.
Mary: That is why the judicial system is in such a shambles. It's people like you who are too apathetic to show up.
Nina: You threw yours out last year.
Mary: Well, yeah, I'm not about to serve on a jury in the summertime.
Dick: Well, winter, spring, summer, or fall, all they have to do is call and I'll be there. Yes, I will.

Quote from Dick

Dick: The point is, it's reasonable to assume that Foster used the money to pay for his sick daughter's life-threatening operation.
Foreman: No, it's not.
Claire: He doesn't have a daughter.
Irving: It's not a reasonable doubt if you just make things up.
Dick: Oh, so it's truth you want?
Foreman: Yes.
Dick: You want the truth? You want the truth? Well, I can't handle the truth!

Quote from Dick

Dick: [answers phone] Hello. Uh, no, you have the wrong number. I'm going to transfer you. But if I lose you, try again. [hangs up]

Quote from Dick

Bailiff: All right, everybody, listen up. We're about to start the jury selection process. The first case on the docket is a petty theft.
Dick: Mmm... no. I'm looking for something a little more meaty. International software piracy, perhaps, or maybe a triple homicide.
Bailiff: Okay. Just let the judge know when you find something that tickles you.
Dick: Oh, will do. [puts money in the bailiff's pocket] Oh, and, hey thanks.

Quote from Dick

Lawyer: Sir, have you ever been in an automobile collision?
Dick: Uh, no. But I am a college physics professor, so no matter how sophisticated the analysis gets, uh, I'll follow it.
Lawyer: Thank you. You're excused.
Dick: Excused to prepare for the case?
Judge: No, excused to go sit in the lobby and wait for the next case.
Dick: Excuse me?
Judge: You're excused.
Dick: But I'm a professor. That guy doesn't even have any teeth!

Quote from Dick

Lawyer: Sir, do you believe everything you read in the newspapers?
Dick: No, of course not.
Lawyer: Thank you. You're excused.

Quote from Dick

Lawyer: Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper?
Dick: Yes. Every last word. The newspaper is my bible.
Lawyer: Thank you.
Dick: You're welcome.
Lawyer: You're excused.
Dick: Okay, now it's personal.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode