Tommy: Sally, I need someone to drive me to get my corsage at 3:00.
Sally: No problem. Dick, drive him.
Dick: Yes, sir.
Tommy: Thanks. Dick, get out of my chair.
Dick: Uh, but-
Tommy: Move!
Harry: Dick, get out of my chair.

Big Giant Head: Oh. If it isn't crooked ear.
Mary: Right. Uh, you know, I- I know you and Dick go back-
Big Giant Head: You have a very pretty mouth. It moves a lot, but it's very pretty.
Mary: Okay.
Big Giant Head: You know, ever since you got here, I- I can't help but notice that you're a woman. And as such, I'd really like to have a go at the sex thing with you. So... why don't we find a pair of earmuffs and retire to the bedroom?
Mary: No, I- I don't think so. [he kisses Mary] Ah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Big Giant Head: I know, and I'm still just getting the hang of it.
Mary: You pig!
Big Giant Head: No, no! Wait! Wait! Wait! The bedroom's this way!

Tommy: Oh, man! This shirt doesn't have any buttons! What a ripoff!
Harry: Why don't you try using some of these little black things?
Dick: Oh, Harry, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Go get me a stapler.

Sally: Sir. As per my duties as High Commander, I have completed the daily status report. If you'll notice, I've organized it chronologically and not as my predecessor used to do, uh, in... limerick form.
Big Giant Head: Excellent work. Excellent work!
Sally: But you didn't even look at it.
Big Giant Head: Didn't have to. I like what I'm looking at right now.
Sally: What are you saying?
Big Giant Head: I'm saying vah-vah.
Sally: Oh, my God. I didn't want to believe it, but it's true. You didn't promote me on my merits.
Big Giant Head: No, ma'am.
Sally: Oh, God.
Big Giant Head: But don't get me wrong. I promoted you because I thought you'd be the best possible candidate to give me pleasure.
Sally: Uh-huh. Okay. I'll give you pleasure, you steaming pile of alien-
Big Giant Head: That's right! Talk dirty!

Vicki Dubcek: Oh, Stone you know, this is how I always imagined my prom night would be. I- I was- I was in a bad, bad place, Stone, but you've you've reawakened the woman in me.
Big Giant Head: Let's go to my place.
Vicki Dubcek: No. Not the Solomons'.
Big Giant Head: No, no, no. My place. The view is... [chuckles] Unbelievable.
Vicki Dubcek: Take me there.
[Vicki and the Big Giant Head are transported away. A moment later, the Big Giant Head reappears and grabs the bottle of champagne before transporting away again.]

Dick: You know, for the first time in days, I actually feel good about myself. I don't need a fancy title to have self-respect. I have love.
Harry: You know, we got a little dried-up jelly by the stove here, Dick.
Dick: On it.

Sally: Okay. All right. We got a big situation here. But we got time. We got 9 months, so we can...
Harry: You guys, we got a little problem here.
Vicki Dubcek: Well, ten minutes ago, these pants fit great. And now- Now I can't even zip 'em up. They- They cost me $40.