Dick Solomon Quotes Page 102 of 102
Quote from Much Ado About Dick
Mary: You just don't get it, do you? When a man has an office romance, it doesn't affect his career. But when a woman has one, no one takes her seriously.
Dick: I don't understand.
Mary: Oh, I don't expect you to. I need to be alone tonight.
Dick: But I'm not like that. I take you seriously, Dr. Slutbunny.
Quote from Dick's Big Giant Headache Part 2
Dick: Mary, don't you see?! He's given you his seal of approval.
Mary: Why do you care what he thinks? The only thing that matters is what you and I think.
Dick: Tell me, Mary what do you think?
Mary: I think you're way too smart and handsome and sexy to waste a second of your time worrying about that braying jackass.
Dick: Mary...
Mary: What?!
Dick: I think my little problem is gone.
Mary: Yee-haw!
Quote from What's Love Got to Do, Got to Do with Dick?
Dick: Oh, I see you're getting ready for the arrival of Professor McBitch!
Nina: Her name is Ravelli.
Dick: Oh, and my caustic joke on her name is "McBitch."
Nina: Hmm. That's clever.
Dick: "Hello, I'm professor McBitch. [with Boston accent] I come from Harvard." How snooty! She's probably told all her Harvard cronies how she's crowding out that Solomon bumpkin. Bumpkin?! How dare she call me that!
Quote from Green-Eyed Dick
Mary: Oh, I'm going to have to find someone who can translate Ukrainian.
Dick: That's not Ukrainian. It's Turkish. Look, there's a diacritical mark over the "O." [speaks Turkish]
Mary: Well, what does it mean?
Dick: "May these always point me toward the spoils of war." This isn't a thimble. It's Turkish nipple armor. [Mary laughs] Well, in fact, it's very valuable. Well, especially if you have a pair.
Quote from Glengarry Glen Dick
Dick: That one old guy seemed kind of interested. When everyone else rushed out, he stayed behind.
Mary: He was trampled, Dick.
Don: He's still our number one prospect.
Dick: It's my fault. I bought into this American Dream of home ownership. The white picket fence, the garden arbor, the incredibly hot widow next door who gives massages in exchange for yard work.
Mary: Dick!
Quote from The Thing That Wouldn't Die: Part Two
Mary: I can't! I can't do this!
Dick: Mary, where are you going?
Mary: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Dick: W-What is it?
Mary: Oh, I can't. I'm afraid. I'm leaving my- my planet, my- my friends, my body, everything!
Dick: But we'll have each other.
Mary: Oh, but it won't be the same.
Dick: We'll be together.
Mary: No, I- I can't! I-
Dick: You're right. You belong here, Mary. We fell in love because you were a human on Earth, and so was I.
Quote from Mary Loves Scoochie: Part Two
Dr. Liam Neesam: Stop worrying. I didn't come all the way to earth for your sloppy seconds. And since you're an alien, I can explain it to you. You see, I'm using Mary as a cover for my master plan to devolve all human beings into monkeys.
Dick: Oh! Oh, what a relief! I thought you were here to sleep with my lady. [chuckles] Uh... What was that about monkeys?
Dr. Liam Neesam: Well, I'm here to devolve all human beings into monkeys, you see, and then turn the earth into a giant theme park called Planet Monkey World.
Dick: Planet Monkey World? Why, that's appalling! How can you do this? I weep for humans! Has Mary agreed to this?
Dr. Liam Neesam: Yes, although she doesn't know all the details, like the end of the world, et cetera.
Dick: I'm sorry, Liam, but I'm telling Mary about this right now.
Dr. Liam Neesam: In that case, I shall be forced to tell her that you're an alien.
Dick: That's not fair! You've had more time to think this out than I have!
Dr. Liam Neesam: [points to drink] This is awfully good, you know.