Mary: Are you gonna visit her?
Dick: We have a family reunion this weekend. It sounds like it's gonna be wonderful. You wanna come?
Mary: Are you sure it's all right?
Dick: Well, of course it's all right.
Mary: Oh, Dick, it's family, I-
Dick: No, don't worry, Mary. I'm sure you'll find my family to be warm and nurturing. It won't bear any resemblance to the liquor-drenched orgy of hatred and recrimination that marks every Albright get-together.

Dick: They're right. You can't go home again. So much for "family" and "brotherhood" and "home is where the heart is." What a bunch of crap!
Mary: Now you know where I've been coming from. You go home for the holidays, you see that beautiful Christmas tree in the window. Everything looks so idyllic. And all of a sudden there's your mother swinging a five-iron at your father's head, and the tree's in the eggnog.
Dick: How do you deal with it?
Mary: I repress. Repression is the key to a happy family.
Dick: Doesn't sound very healthy.
Mary: If you yell and scream, you end up sounding like your mother. I'm gonna go get another drink.
Dick: Didn't you just finish one?
Mary: Get off my back!

Dick: You know, Mary, the great thing about rediscovering your roots is... you suddenly have a whole new world of people to blame for, you know, everything.

Sally: "Sally Solomon, you have been preapproved for a platinum credit card. Only our most valued and cherished customers qualify for platinum status." You guys, I qualify for platinum status!
Tommy: So did I!
Harry: Me too!

Sally: Mail's here.
Harry: Ah, the mail. What would a day on Earth be like without the mail?
Tommy: Probably a lot like Sunday.
Harry: Ah!

Dick: Hello, family.
Sally: Hey, mail's here.
Dick: Ah, the mail. What would a day on Earth be like without the mail?
Harry: Probably a lot like Sunday.
Dick: You know, that's very clever.
Tommy: Harry. Uh, wait. I said that.
Harry: Oh, really? How sad.

Dick: Oh, this one's addressed to "Mr. Richard Solomon."
Harry: My, how formal.
Dick: "Dearest Richard, I hope with all of my heart that this letter finds you. Too many years have gone by. We miss you greatly. Please come to the Solomon family reunion this year. All of my love, Aunt Florence."
Harry: Dick, you never told us you had an Aunt Florence.
Tommy: He doesn't, you mook.
Sally: Well, that letter was obviously meant for some other Dick Solomon.
Dick: Well, I'll just call up this Aunt Florence and set her straight. Great Scott! I've qualified for platinum status!

Dick: [on the phone] Yes, hello. Is this Florence Solomon? Hi, my name is Dick Solomon. I- I've got this, uh, invitation to a family reunion, and I- Well, yes, it's nice to hear your voice, too, but- Yes, I am as adorable as I always was. Has it really been 43 years? Then, if I did turn up, you probably wouldn't even recognize me, huh? That's- Yes, it would be wonderful to see the family again, Aunt Florence. I love you, too. Yes, yes. Bye-bye. [hangs up] I have an Aunt Florence.
Mary: What?
Dick: Oh, that was Aunt Florence in Indiana.
Nina: Since when do you have an Aunt Florence in Indiana?
Dick: Since when do you have an Aunt Florence in Indiana?
Nina: I don't.
Dick: So where's the big coincidence? You know, sometimes, Nina, you make no sense.

Tommy: Sally, we're not spending the whole winter at this reunion.
Sally: Back off, all right? I'm not like you guys. I can't just throw in a toothbrush and a pair of underwear and be set for the weekend.
Harry: Underwear!

Dick: So, is everybody ready to go to our family reunion?
Tommy: Dick, this is not our family.
Sally: Yeah, what if they start asking questions?
Harry: Yeah.
Dick: Well, that's the beauty of this. Aunt Florence hasn't seen Richard since he was 5 years old. For all they know, I'm him.
Tommy: Well, as a teenager, the idea of going to a family reunion sickens me to my core.
Dick: Tommy, uh we've been here on Earth for almost three years, and we still lack something that's so important to us: roots. A connection. Life here is not just about where we're going, it's about where we've come from. Now we'd better get on the road. You know how Aunt Florence hates it when we're late.