Tommy: No, I don't get it. Give me an example of what's funny.
August: Okay, let's see, I thought the movie Emma was really funny.
Tommy: What was funny about it?
August: Don't you get it? It was full of irony.
Tommy: Okay, so irony's funny.
August: Sure, because someone says something , and the opposite is actually true.
Tommy: Oh, okay, like when you told me Emma was gonna be a really great movie, when actually it sucked out loud?
August: Well, apparently, irony is a little too sophisticated for you.
Tommy: Either that or you don't know what's funny either.
August: I don't know what's funny? I'll have you know, at camp, I was voted "Miss Whimsy."
Tommy: Why? Was Miss Irony killed in a canoe accident?

Mary: Hi, Dick.
Dick: Oh, uh, Mary. Just doing some reading. Some physics reading, you know.
Mary: Oh, that's nice.
Sally: Say, uh, an amusing joke just came to me. You know, out of the blue. Knock, knock.
Mary: Okay. Who's there?
Dick: Uh... Uh, uh, "Who's there," you say? Uh... [reads] [Nina enters] Oh, uh, uh, Nina.
Mary: "Nina" who?
Dick: Our Nina. She's right here! [laughs] Please let me host that fundraiser!

Dick: Oh, another lunch with Ben. I see. How funny for you.
Mary: Well, would you like to join us ? We could make it a threesome.
Dick: I don't go that way, Mary.

Harry: You know, at least I can take comfort in knowing that I treated my coat well. Such as yesterday. It was hot on the bus. I took it off and folded it neatly and placed it under the shade of my seat. [off Dick's look] What?
Tommy: You left it on the bus.
Harry: No!
Dick: You know, they have a lost and found, Harry.
Harry: Oh, you mean, I might see my coat again? Oh, I am so happy. [the guys duck as Sally walks in with another plank of wood]

August: So, who do you think's funny in our class?
Tommy: Um, Alan Gimball.
August: Alan Gimball? Why?
Tommy: 'Cause he's 20. [chuckles]
August: Oh, so-- so you think dumb people are funny?
Tommy: It they're that dumb, yeah.

Sally: I'll right, let's install this baby.
Harry: Sweet!
[Sally struggles to get the cabinet into the closet]
Harry: Did you measure the shelves?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Did you measure the closet?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Did you measure the door?
Sally: Damn!

Comedian: Well, don't over-think it, you know? Just talk about things you know. That's what I do.
Dick: Yeah. You make fun of your poor mother's flabby arms.
Comedian: Hey, those flabby-arm jokes made her the most popular senior in Fort Meyers, Florida.
Dick: You-- You mean, she doesn't hate you for it?
Comedian: Hate me? No. She loves me for it. It's a joke.
Dick: You mean, tricycles don't really fall out of her arms?
Comedian: Uh, no.
Dick: Oh, my god! Of course they don't! I mean, just think how flabby her arms would have to be for a tricycle to be up in there, and for so many years. And she didn't even notice it, not even when she took a shower. That's hysterical. I get it. I get the joke! Thank you! Thank you so much!

Mary: Good morning, Dick. Did you sleep well?
Dick: Once the adrenaline wore off, like a baby. You know, when you've been riding the bullet train to "yuk-ville"" it's kind of hard to slow down. I've been up all night faxing jokes to Leno.

Tommy: You know what I found out? Humor's subjective.
Dick: What do you mean?
Tommy: Well, I thought the fact that no one was laughing at you at the comedy club was hysterical.
Sally: Oh, I loved that.
Harry: Very funny.
Dick: No, no. No, that wasn't funny.
Tommy: See?
Sally: Which is also ironic.
Harry: You were at a comedy club, and no one was laughing. [they laugh]
Dick: Hey, shut up, all of you!

Harry: Well, I think I'm gonna take my furry little friend for a walk. He's been locked in the basement all week. You know, why do they call it a "fur coat" anyway? It's not made of fur and it's not a coat.
Dick: Uh, actually, Harry, it's both those things.
Harry: It was a joke. [all laugh] Good night, everybody.