Dick: Mary, what are you doing here?
Mary: I came here to stop you from doing something completely irrational.
Dick: Mary, please. It's perfectly rational. I'm evening the score with Strudwick. It doesn't even involve you.
Mary: What?! Oh, God. Now I've got to explain things to Dottie.
Dick: Oh, no, don't. I want to keep her mad. Anger breeds revenge.

Strudwick: Dottie? Dottie? Honey, the front door was wide open- Dick. Mary. What the hell is going on?
Dick: What are you doing here, Strudwick?
Strudwick: This is my master suite. Why the hell are you here?
Dick: I'm trying to stop Mary from talking to your wife!
Strudwick: About what?
Dick: Oh, like you don't know.
Strudwick: Oh, my God.
Mary: No, no. She's got to understand that what happened between us was a mistake. I didn't know it was a trial separation.
Strudwick: Mary, what are you thinking?

Dottie Strudwick: What is going on out here?
Dick: Hi, pumpkin.
Mary: Pumpkin?!
Strudwick: Who are you calling pumpkin?
Manolito: [enters] Should I turn off the jets, Dottie?
Strudwick: Dottie, what is our pool guy doing here?
Dick: Oh, my God! You have a pool?!

Dottie Strudwick: It's all out in the open, Vincent. You and your dirty little secret.
Strudwick: We were separated.
Dottie Strudwick: It was a trial separation!
Mary: I did not know that at the time.

Mary: Look what you've done.
Dick: Oh, me? You're the one who had the fling with a married Strudwick and then got drunk and blabbed all about it.
Mary: Okay. Dick, you've got to understand. I had a life before I met you.
Dick: But I didn't. I feel like my life on Earth started when I met you. You're the only thing that's been mine and mine alone. In the "Mary" column, it's always been Dick, one, Strudwick, zero. And now it's a tie.
Mary: Well, if it would make you feel any better, you've been to the plate a hell of a lot more times than he has.
Dick: Oh, Mary.
Mary: Oh, Dick. [they kiss] Now let's go to Mario's. Dick?
Dick: I'll meet you there. I'm gonna go pee in his pool.

Don: Sally. What are you doing here?
Sally: I had to come. We've been apart too long. I must be with you.
Don: I don't have any skin. Ow!
Sally: I can't resist you any longer.
Don: Oh!
Sally: Shh. I'll be gentle.[Don groans as Sally climbs on top of him]

Sally: Hey, Dick, you feeling any better?
Dick: Oh, a little. But, you know, there's still an empty space on my scorecard. Everyone else in the game everyone but me has gotten some forbidden nookie. What's up with that?
Sally: Hon, I think it's time to let it go.
Dick: Oh, you're right. The past is past. Time only moves in one direction on this planet. I just have to move on. [camera pans up and then returns to the roof] Oh, who am I kidding? I can't let it go!

Dick: Hello. You don't know me, but my girlfriend's ex-lover's wife slept with your husband.
Mrs. Manolito: Excuse me?
Dick: Okay, that's not important. What's important is that the universe is out of balance, and the only way for us to bring some measure of justice to the world is for you and me to make love.
Strudwick: What's going on there, Carmen? Hi, Dick.
Dick: Nooooooo!