Dick: Well, Mary, what do you think?
Mary: You didn't get anything done.
Dick: No. Look, Mary, I know how much you wanted me to have that surgery.
Mary: I never wanted you-
Dick: No, no. But when I got in there, I realized this face is my face. It's like a museum of my life, especially my life with you. So, if you've grown tired of this dusty, drafty old museum, maybe you should just go to the Guggenheim.

Mary: Yes, as a matter of fact, a few years ago, I- I was thinking about having some work done on my nose.
Dick: Your nose?
Mary: Yes, I thought if it was just a little longer-
Dick: No, no, but I love your nose.
Mary: You do?
Dick: The way it scrunches up when you smile. [lights dim]
Mary: It really does?
Dick: And those ears... I love it when you let me nibble on them.
Mary: I kinda like that, too.
Dick: And those eyes... like two clear blue windows into the deepest soul I've ever known.
Mary: Oh, Dick.
Dick: Oh, Mary.
Nina: [enters] Sorry about the lights. My coffee maker blew a circuit. I'm going to check the breaker.
Dick: My god, you're beautiful.
Mary: So are you.
Dick: Yeah, I know.

Dick: Okay, fine. Lights. Any questions, comments, anyone?
Caryn: About what, Dr. Solomon? We've been sitting in the dark for ten minutes. You haven't showed us a thing.
Dick: I've been showing you my face. What do you people think of my face? Anyone? Uh, how about you, Bug?
Bug: What- Excuse me, sir. Your, uh, your what?
Dick: My face! My face. Do you find it appealing in an incredibly handsome, sexiest-man-on-Earth sort of way?
Bug: You're sort of not my type.
Dick: How about you, Pitman? Do you find me attractive?
Pitman: I'm sorry, Dr. Solomon. The last time I answered that question in school, one thing led to another, and then my biology teacher wound up asking me to kill her husband.

Dick: Uh, Leon, you'll give me a straight answer.
Leon: Me? Well, uh... Dr. Solomon, I've always found high cheekbones to be very attractive.
Dick: Like mine?
Leon: Actually, more like Pitman's.
Pitman: What?

Dick: Yeah, but what about me?
Caryn: Uh, Dr. Solomon looks are very subjective.
Dick: Well, is that your subtle way of telling me that you think I'm hot?
Caryn: No.
Dick: Oh, yeah? Well, you're not so pretty yourself!

Sally: I'm sorry, doctor. He's just a little overexcited about the idea of looking better.
Dr. Lasker: Well, he should be, and, uh... so should you.
Sally: Oh, I'm not getting anything done.
Dr. Lasker: You're not? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were.
Sally: That's ridiculous. Have you seen me? I don't need anything done.
Dr. Lasker: I could make you look a little less tired, that's all.
Sally: Less- Less tired?
Dr. Lasker: It wouldn't take much.
Sally: I look tired?

Don: Oh, good morning, Sally.
Sally: Morning.
Don: How'd you sleep?
Sally: Why? Do I look tired?
Don: No.
Sally: Then why are you asking me how I slept?
Don: 'Cause it's morning.
Sally: 'Cause I look exhausted?
Don: 'Cause you just woke up.
Sally: Maybe you should go.
Don: But, Sally, I-
Sally: Please go.
Don: Sally, I'm sorry about that whole sleep thing. I was out of line. [Sally nods]

Tommy: All right, Dick, you ready? [Dick nods] Good. Here we go.
[After Tommy unwraps the bandage around Dick's head, Dick turns around]
Dick: Good work, Tommy. That's exactly how I want you to remove the gauze after my surgery.

Dick: You know, they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, when in reality, it's in the eye of the beholdee.
Tommy: Well, what are you saying? If I think I'm attractive, I actually am?
Dick: No, Tommy, not you. Me. Not you.

Sally: You know what I realized? It's not important what you look like. What's important is who you are on the inside. [all laugh]
Dick: That's hilarious! Where'd you hear that, Leno?
Sally: No, no, I made it up myself. I swear!
Tommy: You should write for Leno.
Sally: I know! [collective sigh]