Jennifer Ravelli: Oh, Dick. I came to Pendelton for its collection of rare books, but I found something much rarer-- the love of a good man.
Dick: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Jennifer Ravelli: Well, I'm off to sing madrigals with my choral group. Are you sure you won't join me?
Dick: Uh, madrigals no, I don't think so.
Jennifer Ravelli: All right. I'll see you later then. [grabs Dick's ass]
Dick: Oh!
Jennifer Ravelli: Good-bye, all! [exits]
Sally: Good-bye, Jennifer.
Tommy: She's great, Dick.
Dick: Oh, yeah, she's great. There's just one problem really.
Sally: What's that?
Dick: I can't stand her!

Dick: I miss Mary!
Sally: Oh, crap.
Dick: Mary and I were meant for each other. And now I've dumped her just because she was so busy being Dean. I've gotta get her back.
Harry: Well, but first you gotta get rid of Jennifer.
Dick: I know, but how?
Tommy: Well, you could treat her like you treated Mary. That seems to do irreparable damage.

Nina: Oh, no! Putting the You Back in Him? Not the self-help books!
Mary: Oh, I need help. I made a complete ass of myself.
Nina: So you got drunk and told him off. Big deal. You want him back, go get him.
Mary: I was the one that told him it was okay to see other people. Now I think that's a big red check in my guilt column.
Nina: Okay, you want him back?
Mary: Well, it just bothers me to see him with her.
Nina: Shut up! I said, do you want him back?
Mary: Yes.

Dick: "And so, Jennifer, lest there be any misunderstanding, let me repeat: I do not, cannot, and will not ever love you as long as we both shall live. With frosty aloofness, Dick Solomon." Now, that should do the trick.

Mary: I mean, I've just got to make myself more available to you.
Dick: Oh, yeah, that would be a must.
Mary: I- -I can't give you a lot of time , but I can give you quality time.
Dick: And seeing me with Jennifer made you realize this?
Mary: Yes, Dick.
Dick: I see. Well, let me explain something to you, Mary. Quality time is good, but Jennifer gives me quantity time. That means a lot of time, Mary. She puts me first. Me. Not her job. Something apparently you are not willing to do. [grabs the letter he wrote to Jennifer]
Mary: I am so too willing. It's just that you're being-
Dick: No, no, it hurts too much!
Mary: Oh, Dick!
Dick: I'm not saying that you should stop trying, but it will be hard. There are hurdles, Mary. Hurdles! Remember: hurdles!

Don: Where's Sally?
Sally: All right, Don, let's get outta here.
Don: Hey, Sally, are we going luging?
Sally: No, we're going bowling. Why?
Don: Well, because you're dressed like a big luger.
Sally: That's exactly right. Sleek, agile, aerodynamic, and dangerous. Let's bowl.

Don: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sally: Yeah, but hurry up. I'm in the zone.
Don: Sally, have you ever- you ever heard of the term, "play by the rules"?
Sally: No.
Don: Well, the rule is, you know, you get a turn, and then I get a turn.
Sally: I don't like that rule. Hey, Don, what's the goal of bowling?
Don: Knock down the most pins.
Sally: And have I?
Don: Well, yes, Sally, but there's a certain thing called sportsmanship.
Sally: Freeze. 6-pin standing at 11 o'clock.
Don: Sally, that's not our lane!
Man: What the hell are you doing, lady?!
Sally: You left 'em unprotected. Get your head back in the game.

Jennifer Ravelli: Dick, with my allergies, I won't be able to eat anything here.
Dick: Uh-huh. [loudly] Oh, no! No, no, no! Mary's here. This is no good.
Jennifer Ravelli: Well, we'll go somewhere else.
Dick: No, no. I will not let her control my life. Sir, we would like a table as far away from that woman as possible.
Maitre 'D: Of course. How is the table by the window?
Dick: What, in the draft?
Maitre 'D: Well, what about next to the bar?
Dick: With all those drunken boors?
Maitre 'D: Well, I'm afraid that leaves this table here.
Dick: All right, but this is an outrage.

Dick: [to Mary] Listen, I don't want to interrupt your dinner. Jennifer and I will just sit over here and nuzzle. [nuzzles on Jennifer's ear]
Jennifer Ravelli: I can't understand a word you're saying.
Dick: So let's order.
Jennifer Ravelli: I don't know why you would bring me to a place like this. I'm allergic to everything on the menu.
Why, the butter alone- [grabs Jennifer's butt] Aah!
Dick: [chuckles] Oh, you.
[Dick turns away from Mary and gropes himself so it appears that Jennifer has her hands all over him]

Mary: Hi, Dick.
Dick: Mary. Gee, I hope last night at the restaurant wasn't too awkward for you.
Mary: Oh, not at all.
Dick: I don't know whether you noticed, but, uh, I was with Jennifer.
Mary: Uh huh. You had on a new jacket last night. I liked it.
Dick: Ooh, you did, huh? I found it on a bus. Pretty good fit, though, eh?
Mary: Very. But you always know what looks good on you.
Dick: Well, that's so true.
Mary: Have you been working out?
Dick: Oh, yeah.