‘A Friend in Dick’
Season 3, Episode 8 - Aired November 19, 1997
Dick realizes he doesn't have any friends to join him at the theater. Meanwhile, Harry starts night school.
Quote from Tommy
Waitress: What would you like?
Dick: I'll have a cappuccino.
Tommy: Root beer.
Dick: Oh.
Tommy: What?
Dick: It's not what Don would order. Don would order a mocha.
Tommy: Fine. I'll have a mocha.
Dick: Don would order it with gusto.
Tommy: I'll have a mocha!
Dick: That's too much gusto.
Tommy: Well, how would Don say, "get bent"?
Dick: I'll tell you how he'd say it. By going out to eat chicken wings with his friend Ernie and leaving me in the lurch!
Tommy: Hey, what about the check here? No wonder you don't have any friends.
Quote from Dick
Don: Dick, what are you doing here?
Dick: I was under the impression this was our place, Don. I guess I was wrong. And who might you be, Ernie?
Ernie: Ernie. [offers hand]
Dick: No. So this is who you choose?
Don: Choose?
Dick: Choose to hurt me with.
Don: Uh, Ernie's a friend of mine from the academy.
Dick: So tell me, Don, what is it he has that I don't?
Don: A leaf blower?
Dick: Oh! Well, I'll tell you what, Mr. Don Orville! When you decide what it is you want from this relationship, why don't you just let me know, hmm? Oh, and one more thing... you're a lousy dancer!
Quote from Harry
Teacher: "The boy goes to the store." Harry. Would you like to diagram the sentence?
Harry: Well, you're the one with the chalk. Knock yourself out.
Teacher: I'd really appreciate it if you'd give it a try.
Harry: Well, look, if you want your butt kissed, why don't you call on Mrs. DeGuzman?
Larry: Man, just diagram the damn sentence.
Harry: Well, back off, buddy. Maybe I don't know how to diagram the damn sentence. You ever stop to think of that?
Teacher: That's okay, Harry. If you had all the answers, you wouldn't need to be here.
Harry: What's your point, teach?
Teacher: Well, my point is we're all here to learn together.
Harry: We are?
Teacher: Yes.
Harry: Are you sure?
Teacher: I'm sure.
Harry: I wanna learn! I wanna learn!
Quote from Sally
Sally: Oh, it is such a relief to be rid of Seth.
Tommy: So you can get back together with Don?
Sally: No. So I can shave the poodles from under my arms.
Harry: Smooth.
Sally: Hands off, pervert!
Quote from Dick
Dick: You know, Sally, you may have lost a boyfriend and I may have found a friend, but you know what's the most important thing?
Sally: What?
Dick: That I found a friend.