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‘A Dick Replacement’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

3rd Rock from the Sun: A Dick Replacement

611. A Dick Replacement

Aired January 30, 2001

After a psychic tells Mary that Dick might leave her, he searches for his own replacement to keep Mary satisfied when he's gone. Meanwhile, Sally and Harry consider the psychic a threat to the mission.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Listen, you. That psychic didn't know anything. You have many, many years ahead of you, and I will be right by your side. And after that, I don't want anybody else.
Dick: Mary, you'd rather be alone?
Mary: After you, I'm done.
Dick: Of course you are. How could I expect you to ever settle for anyone else after being with someone like me? I've ruined you.
Mary: More than you'll ever know.

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Quote from Dick

Dick: After so long on this planet, I've finally learned my most important lesson of all.
Sally: What's that?
Dick: That it's better to have loved Dick and lost Dick than never to have had Dick at all.
Sally: Still, I'll pass.

Quote from Dick

Mary: Oh, look, Dick, a fortune teller. Oh, let's go in. It'll be fun.
Dick: Fortune teller. If this so-called fortune teller can see the future, wouldn't she have been able to predict the decline of this neighborhood?
Mary: Okay, so you don't believe in psychics, but you do believe in the Loch Ness Monster.
Dick: I do no believe in the Loch Ness Monster. I believe Nessie is a friendly sea serpent whose frisky demeanor has been misinterpreted as monster-like.

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, hi! Oh, Rita is an unbelievable psychic. Without her, my life would just be a mess. [checks watch] Uh-oh, I'm late for my AA meeting.

Quote from Sally

Harry: Aw, poor Dick. That psychic really messed with his head.
Sally: Wait a second, Harry. If that psychic knows we're leaving the planet, then she knows we're aliens.
Harry: And if she knows that we're aliens, she knows that I'm an alien.
Sally: All right, we gotta check her out. And if she's for real, we have to kill her for security reasons.
Harry: And what if she's not real?
Sally: Well, we kill her for sport.

Quote from Sally

Sally: Okay, okay, okay, let's focus here. How do you kill somebody who can predict the future? We'll have to do it...
Harry: Unpredictably.
Sally: Right. Like an accident.
Harry: But how do you plan an accident?
Sally: No, no, no. You can't. But you can accidentally plan to accidentally kill somebody.
Harry: By accident.
Sally: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she could be allergic to shellfish and you accidentally run her over with your car.
Harry: That's a good plan.
Sally: Eh. Oh, no! It's not gonna work, though. I mean, if we already planned it, it's no longer an accidental plan.
Harry: Well, that's too bad, 'cause it was a good one.

Quote from Dick

Rita: Welcome. It's $15 each.
Dick: Well, I guess that's reasonable. The upkeep on crappola must be pretty high.
Mary: Let me go first. Hi.
Rita: You've been sad recently.
Mary: Kind of.
Dick: Generalization Madam Ripoffski.
Mary: Dick, you're spoiling it.
Dick: Oh, excuse me. Please continue, Mistress Fraudini.

Quote from Dick

Rita: It's okay. Some people have scientific minds and it's hard for them to process psychic phenomena.
Dick: [scoffing] Oh, please. Scientific- How did you know I was a scientist?
Rita: How do you think? I can see that you and your friend are from very different worlds.
Dick: Mary, I think we should go now.
Rita: One of these days, he's gonna up and leave you.
Dick: Stop it!
Rita: And go back to wherever he came from.
Dick: Oh, come on, Mary. Up! Up! Up! Time to leave. Dick, take it easy! Let's get out of here. Thank you so much for ruining my life, you heartless, evil prophetess! Are there any mutual funds that you especially- [off her glare] Never mind, you bitch!

Quote from Sally

Dick: Guys! Guys! I just had the most disturbing experience. Mary dragged me to a psychic down on Water Street who predicted that we'd be leaving the planet.
Sally: Whoa, wait a second. A psychic? Those people are for real?
Dick: Oh, this one is. She is good.
Harry: We're not leaving the planet, are we, Dick?
Dick: We could be called away at any second. And I can't bear the thought of Mary growing old alone.
Sally: I wouldn't worry, Dick. Mary's not one to keep her panties cool for too long.
Dick: You're right. She is extremely resilient.
Harry: Mm, she's a slut.

Quote from Dick

Dick: But she could spend years searching and attract only losers.
Sally: Well, what can you do? You got no control.
Dick: Then I'll take control. I will dedicate my life to finding my successor.
Sally: [laughs] I don't know, Dick. If I were Mary, I wouldn't want you to find me a new boyfriend.
Dick: But I must. Anyone who knows Dick Solomon knows that he is completely selfless. And when I find my worthy replacement, and I shall, he will wait patiently in the wings. And after I've gone, he will love Mary as only I know how.
Harry: Aw, that's sweet.
Dick: Thank you, Harry.
Harry: No, no. I mean this cinnamon sparkle syrup. It's sweet.

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